The Death of a Friendship

I had an interesting experience this week. And by interesting, I mean it feels like someone has taken a meat tenderizer to my heart. A friend of mine posted on Facebook that they would be blocking any “friend” (their quotation marks, not mine) who was voting for Trump this election. Normally I ignore political posts on Facebook (as part of my continuing resolve to not argue with people online), but I was really hurt by the insinuation that because we would vote differently I was no longer a real friend and I commented saying so. I expected a disagreement, but I didn’t even get that. I just got blocked. Several years of friendship ended with apparent ease on their part and a not insignificant amount of shock on mine. 

This blog has been dormant for over eight years, but this situation has put so many thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart that I’ve resurrected a thing that was probably better off dead. This isn’t the first Facebook post I’ve seen implying that a person who votes differently is no longer a friend and each of those posts has a host of comments celebrating the poster's rejection of those no-longer-friends. And I’ll be honest, it really chafes. When I see a political post I disagree with, I scroll past it (groundbreaking, I know). I might roll my eyes if it’s an overly dramatic rant or get kind of irritated if it’s a heavily biased article, but what I do not say or post or even think is that the person who posted it is somehow less of a friend. 

Now I feel the need to clarify...I understand that some people don't want to see so many (or any) political posts on social media. But there is a huge difference between unfollowing someone for the political season for your peace of mind and unfriending or blocking someone because you can't stomach seeing a different opinion than yours in your personal echo chamber. 

I would never vote Biden/Harris because our principles don't align, but when I see friends that do support them, I understand why because I know those friends well enough to see what’s important to them. In some cases, I may disagree with their underlying principles or think their reasoning for voting that way is illogical, but that doesn’t preclude me from understanding their viewpoint. And if I don’t get it and want to know, I’ll ask. Personally, I don’t see that same courtesy being extended to people like me. If you can’t fathom why anyone would vote Trump/Pence this election, then you need to try to understand. And the same goes for the other way around. If you're voting Trump/Pence (or Jorgensen/Cohen or anyone else) and can't understand one reason why a friend would vote Biden/Harris (or Jorgensen/Cohen or anyone else), you need to do a little self-reflection on what it means to be a friend. 

I look at the news and the comments and the social media posts and I see a world that labels me. Because I vote conservative, I’m a bigot, a racist, a white supremacist, a Nazi, a science-denier, a woman-hater, an ignorant, backwards, uncompassionate fool. And people say those things while they set houses on fire for daring to put up Trump signs and attack old men and teenagers for daring to wear a MAGA hat. But I’m not a label. I’m a real person with real convictions and principles and beliefs. If you can’t understand why anyone would ever vote Trump/Pence, then you’re part of the reason he won in 2016 and you’re part of the reason why I think he’ll win again in 2020. 

To bring this back to a smaller scope, if you can’t understand one single reason why I personally would vote for Trump this election (when-for the record-I didn’t even vote for him last election...and no, I didn’t vote for Hilary either), then you simply don’t understand me very well. And you should try because I am someone who considers you a friend no matter how different our political views may be. No one should have to choose between political self-censure and the understanding of people who are supposed to be their friends. My hope for anyone reading this is that regardless of your political views you would try to understand someone different from you a little better. And if after reading this you are merely angry, then I would say you need to spend a little less time focusing on politics and a little more time focusing on being a decent human being.